Faint Regret
by tsukicchan
Summary: Falling from 3rd floor building—is not a simple thing, Shinra. For human—it means a lot  - AU Shizaya ; HighSchool!Iza & HighSchool!Shizu - character death ; oneshot!


Faint Regret

by _tsukicchan_

Disclaimer: Sadly, I **do not own** durarara! :(

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><p>I heard them.<p>

I heard them talking.

I heard them twisting the fact.

I heard their whisper.

I heard them badmouthing me.

I heard them badmouthing him.

I feel their eyes on me.

All of their attention are onto me.

**_I might have been punished, eh?_**

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><p>I thought that no one would ever found me on the rooftop, enjoying my quality time by skipping classes. Well, in fact, I've kinda expecting. Not that much though. I've actually predicting his arrival, in front of my face, with a sickening grin stuck in his lips.<p>

I never thought that from all those countless meetings, this will be the last. No, people said to me that when you're close with someone on his/her last day, you will feel his aura radiating even more than before. Some people also said that you'll get those `sign`. But then, If I thought about it again, I might not one of those people. I feel nothing, I saw no sign coming into me.

Well, you know, his aura was still as disturbing as usual when we met on that day. He was narrowing his eyes, when he found me on the rooftop, lying on my back. Unlike other students—well, to begin with, he was fucking different from other students. That flea and I was popular. In a bad way. Teachers have already given up on us. They might only hope that we won't give them any destruction on the school properties. Students are afraid of us. They're spreading rumors such as `You'll be dead if you have an argument with the blonde guy!` or `You'll be stripped naked in front of the school if you're giving the raven problems` even until `You'll die if you stare their eyes in 3 seconds` which is disturbing. No, it's not disturbing, it's **annoying**.

Back to reality, where a certain flea finally take his first steps closer to me.

"Shizu-chan~!" that nickname I loathed really much. "Fancy meeting you here~ Is this what the 'popular guy' do every single day? Skipping school? No wonder you're becoming a protozoan, Shizu-chan~" that nickname. Rage building up in my mind, based on three points. First, that sickening nickname he gave to me. Second, his mocking voices. Last, his smirk.

"Flea, can you please not disturbing me, like for one second?" restraining my voice, I woke from the ground and give that flea a glare. If a glare actually killing people, I'd been rescued for decades ago.

"Okay, one second!" he was skipping to the door and going in to the building, earning my growl. I knew his games. I've been too familiar of all of his games.

"THERE~! One second of not disturbing Shizu-chan, done!" he was popping out his head from the door and went toward me. "So, Shizu-chan, what exactly are you doing here? Waiting for me to report you to the teachers?" he walked to the railing, put his body on it and lift his legs.

"Like I said before, I was not in the mood to be disturbed" growling to him, I walked closer into him. "And I won't let you pass this rooftop without being killed by ME!" tried to punching him, he gives me his maniacal laugh and started to run, avoiding me by all of his might until—

**CRASH**

It was too sudden. In a blink, I couldn't even get why my body start to feel light. The last thing I knew was I tried to chase and catch him, and when he stopped in front of me, on a railing, he suddenly swift his body to avoid me, but I couldn't stop my feet. To my realization, I finally take notice to my surrounding. Open air. Then I saw his crimson eyes. I saw his expression that I'd never forget in my lifetime. Even me myself doubting that he ever showed it to anyone. Those frightened eyes, those terrified expression of his. He tried to reach my hand, only resulting him to be with me in the air.

"SHIZUO!"

He grabbed my finger. Then he tried to pull me which is magically success. But then, we're still in the open air, in the mid of falling from a 3rd floor building named 'Raijin Academy'. That flea was still take his grip on my wrist. In a different position of him beneath my floating body, I finally realize what he wanna do. Rescue me—his enemy, from the damage of falling. Unfortunately, my realization was too late.

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><p>Loud thud were welcoming us. We both fell. We were finally touching the ground. With my body on his own. I growled at the sensation of my body aching, even though this flea made his body as a shield. His body—<p>

"FLEA!" I pulled myself on getting up and shocked by the sight I got. Izaya, with a puddle of blood near his head, and one of his brows furrowing, make me realized on what he felt. Pain.

"Flea! Flea, wake up! Izaya!" to heard my own voice, calling him in desperation, somehow made me realize that I do slightly care about him. But then, everyone's caring when someone near you were bleeding his head out.

"Izaya! H-Hey! Are you—"

"Shizu-chan.." his grip on my wrist loosened, and his hand, slowly reaching my face. I flinched at his touch.

"S-Shizu-chan, y-you—" he was caressing my cheek with his thumb. "—protozoan" and he was smiling. I felt my cheeks reddened and grab his hand.

"You freak! What the hell are you trying to do, jumping from a 3rd floor building and smiling after hit the ground? Are you fucking masochist?" I yelled at him, earning him a chuckle and a strong grip on my uniform.

"P-Put me—" he coughed badly, hissed on pain and put his another hand on his stomach "—in y-your arms" he tried to give me a façade, another smile to hide his pain.

"Tch, foolish bastard" I took him on my arms and began to run into a hospital near my school. He flinched when I ran too fast, makes me realized that he probably broke his bones.

"Hey flea, you were flinching a lot just now aren't you? it's not like I—" then it hits me. His chest was no longer rise and fall like 5 minutes ago. He wasn't flinching anymore when I ran too fast to get to the hospital. Realization hits me for hundred times today. He was no longer breathing.

"I-Izaya" I stopped on an alley and put him down. He was no longer breathing. But I don't know why my mind and heart keep telling me that he was alive. I reached his face and caressed his cheeks, start to wake him up.

"Izaya.. W-Wake up, this is not funny you know" I felt my chest tightening, I shook his body, keep trying to wake him up.

"Izaya, no. NO! YOU FUCKING BASTARD WAKE UP!" I shook his body violently when suddenly, a tap on my shoulder stopped me.

"Shizuo-kun, let me see him" Shinra was behind me, with Celty along him. He was apparently following me. Probably knew our accident. Shinra was suddenly give Izaya a pump on his chest.

"SHINRA! WHAT THE HELL!" I pulled him out from Izaya and glare at him. "He have a broken ribs you—" he punched me.

"HE WAS DYING! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL HIM NOW?" Shinra was screaming at me. I never really thought that he will do it to me, until now. Celty was putting his hand on my shoulder. Probably gave me a concerned look, if she have head. My head fell, buried on my knees. I didn't know what I should do now. I feel my chest tightened, especially when I saw Shinra still doing his job, pumping Izaya's heart, forcing it to work like it used to be.

Rain was starting to poured down at Ikebukuro when it finally strikes me. All my memories with Izaya. My first meeting with him, my first chase, my first time catching him, my first time tortured by him, my first time torturing him, my first realization on how Izaya was part of my daily life, my first chatting with him, a secret kiss he gave to me when I was pretending to sleep on the rooftop, **my feelings**.

Thunders accompanied us on the effort of bring Izaya back to life, while part of my heart already known that he was dying. He was no longer in this world. He was—_gone_.

"Shinra, stop" faint voice coming from my mouth. Unfortunately, due to the rain pouring hard on our ground, he couldn't hear me.

"SHINRA STOP!" he flinched at my scream. I was pushing him aside from Izaya, put my head on his chest, didn't realize that I start to sob while gripping his red shirt on my hand.

I didn't care what kind of looks Shinra gave to me. I didn't care if world start to complaining my loud cry on him. I didn't cry if my body drenched as long as I got myself close to him.

"The hell, w-why you're leaving me?" sobbing, I felt my body trembling. "Why you were rescuing me back then? Y-you supposed to give me that fucking grin from the rooftop w-when I was falling" another sob from myself. Celty approaching me and patted my shoulder.

"IZAYA YOU SHOULD HAVE LIVED!" I yelled at the pale corpse. Shinra accompanied my sob with his own sobs. He was most likely fall on his knees decades ago.

"I didn't even have time to apologize. I didn't have time to confess to you, you MORON" I cried my lungs out until I forgot on what happened after my series of sobs and cries.

The next day I know, here I am. On his funeral.

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><p>I saw his twin sisters, crying on his coffin. I've already saw his parents. They were thanking me for taking care of him in his last day. Seriously, taking care? What kind of taking care was that, when you let him switch places when it comes to danger. I'll never get it. Kasuka is now beside me, he gives no comment on what happened with Izaya—or even me. He only sometimes pats my back in order to stop my uncontrolled sobs when I seeing his coffin too long.<p>

"Shizuo-kun" Shinra's voice wake me up from my messed-up mind and he give me a hug. I say nothing on his action. I see Celty, behind him, nodding her non-existence head to me. Shinra finally releasing his hug, and sit beside with his head fall between his knees.

"I never thought that he will go this fast. I never imagined this would be happened. He was cheerful, strong, and never going to die by a simple thing" faint voices coming from his mouth.

"Falling from 3rd floor building—is not a simple thing, Shinra. For human—it means a lot" I glanced at the coffin, and take a deep breath.

"It's me who we are talking about here. The one who take many shots, yet didn't even flinched by the pain made by those guns and weapons. He knew it. He shouldn't be afraid of me, dying—right, Shinra?" chuckling, I stare at Shinra who gives me a sad smile.

"He was—probably afraid of losing you, Shizuo-kun" Shinra give me a deep sigh, before he continuing his talk. "He told me once, that he have a crush on someone" I flinched on the statement, give the bespectacled a questioning look.

"What do you mean?"

"Apparently, I knew that it was you" he stared me, a deep stare that try on digging my mind.

"…do not messing-up with me, Shinra" I glared at him.

"No, I was certain. Only to you, he give his sincere smile, when he saw you, Izaya-kun always have those gleaming eyes. He was once blushing when I teased him to confess his heart to you. He—" I can't bear myself to hear the rest. I run towards the exit door, gaining everyone's attention on my sudden burst, especially when Shinra called me frantically. I'm running without any clear goal on where I'm heading I do certain on how I have to run from that funeral. I have to crush this heavy feeling. I don't want myself to be exposed being a crybaby for what everyone knows as my enemy, I don't want—to face the reality.

It was until I realized that I'm now in the rooftop of an abandoned building. A familiar building where I have a chatting like a normal person would do with Izaya. I feel my chest tightened once again with his name, popping out in my mind. I'm going straight to the railing. Another hurt feeling, remind me on how we both fell ridiculously after his 'One Second' game. I cried for God knows how many times for today. I cried a lot since the day he left me, alone.

"Izaya.. I know there'll be no answer, but I'll tell you anyway.." I climb on the railing, and sit on it. Staring at the sky, the same clouds and blue sky I saw on that day.

"I might—have a feeling for you. No, I have a feeling for you. I know that it is forbidden, well, we're enemies—right? Well, okay, that's what I thought hahah" chuckling by myself, I feel ridiculous but somehow soothed.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't help you. I'm sorry I didn't protect you" I feel my chest tightening. "Izaya, I'm really sorry. I should've protected you. I should've been your shield. I should've bring you to the hospital faster. I'm sorry" another tears spilled, while regrets building up in my heart.

"After all, this all things makes me realized on one things" I put my feet on the edge of the building. I stare at the sky once again, while giving a deep sigh on my own.

"I loved you, I love you , and I'll always love you"

**CRASH**

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><p><strong>AN**  
>gyaa~~ what an irresponsible author I am! ._.<br>while my other stories waiting to be updated, I'm writing on a new stories =w=;;  
>Anyway, despite of my Biology &amp; Japanese test tomorrow, I feel like writing this, before I forgot~ ._.<br>Sorry for the grammar mistakes, English is not my mother language T.T  
>I'll gladly accept your review, guys :)<br>Thanks for reading :D

-tsuki


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